


found & lost

by uchihakind



Category: Banana Fish (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Angst, Character Death, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Gender-Neutral Pronouns, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Major Character Injury, Non-Explicit Sex, Spoilers
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-18
Updated: 2020-09-11
Packaged: 2021-03-05 19:55:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,859
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25970947
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/uchihakind/pseuds/uchihakind
Summary: Ash wakes up in the hospital after his run in with Lao, only to find that a random stranger visits him in the hospital each day.-I do not own Banana Fish or any of it's mentioned characters. And I certainly do not own you.
Relationships: Ash Lynx/Okumura Eiji, Ash Lynx/Reader
Comments: 5
Kudos: 48





	1. from the underworld

Ash was once again hidden away somewhere in New York, sporting a stab wound, with his heart just barely pumping enough blood to keep him alive. 

The library was filtering out, and there were few people left, including yourself. The blonde haired man sitting at the table a bit away from your own seemed...too still. Oh god. Is he asleep? Is he dead? Dying? You stand abruptly, your chair screeching with the force of your ejection. You dash over to him. Blood was pooled under his slumped form. Your gasp was enough to alert everyone remaining in the library.

“H-h…”

“Somebody call an ambulance” you yell. 

Curious faces start to wander about you as you heave the man to the floor. His breathing is shallow, barely anything at all. You immediately apply pressure to the wound in his abdomen, freaking out as you do so. You just wanted to study for finals. That was all you wanted. Was anyone calling the paramedics yet? The sounds around you went mute as you focused on the struggling man below you.

“You’re gonna be okay, I promise!” 

\---

Ash felt dead. He felt heavy, and gross. How did he get here? He thought he died. Is he dead? There were a million questions roaming through his mind. He can’t seem to be eternally rested, huh?

His hospital room was empty, for the most part. A tacky painting decorated the wall in front of him, and the window had been opened to let the setting sun shine in. His phone was on the table next to him, but it was probably out of power. How long had it been since the library? Since that asshole Lao stabbed the shit out of him? He huffed, rolling his eyes at the memory. However, all of those thoughts halted when you slowly entered his room.

Who in the hell were you?

Your mouth dropped upon seeing his eyes directed towards the sunset. 

“You’re awake!”

His head snapped to look at you.

“Who are you?” he asked in a delicate voice.

“I...I found you in the library a week ago. I’ve been visiting you every day since. You had a pretty nasty wound there,” you awkwardly say. You’re flushed with embarrassment. It’s totally weird to visit a stranger everyday! Especially after the condition you found him in. 

He scoffs. He should be dead. He should be with Eiji, if the world was kind. 

“You don’t even know who I am”

“Does it matter? You were dying in my arms.”

He flushes slightly at that. Embarrassing. 

“...”

“So… What’s your name?”

Ash’s jade eyes widen. You didn’t know who he was? Do you not pay attention to the media? You were clearly young enough to understand social media. How was his face not known to you?

“Well since you’re not gonna tell m-”

“Ash. I’m Ash Lynx.”

“Well, Mr. Ash Lynx, it is a pleasure to make your acquaintance.”

\---

You came to his room everyday after that, coming whenever you could. Whether it was late at night, or the middle of the day, you made sure to visit. You had explained to him that you attended college, and that your schedule made it difficult to come at a set time everyday. He didn’t mind, however. The snacks and food you brought were enough to placate him. 

Ash had come to learn a lot about you over the past few visits. You had many interests, and he was also made aware of your dedication to school. You were awkward and timid, but lord could you talk his ear off. It wasn’t annoying, but he didn’t entirely understand how you could be so passionate about certain things. You would gush to him about something new you got into, or complain to him about the difficulty of your classes. Despite telling your life to the boy, you never pressured him into explaining his past. You listened to him when he would explain a few pieces of his history, and you were always sympathetic to him. It wasn’t pity you felt for him though, it was just a deep, longing sadness you felt for the man in front of you. He had clearly been through a lot, and you were honored that he felt comfortable in your presence. He would be discharged from the hospital soon, and you personally believed the time you two shared together was coming to an end far too fast. Did he have any place to stay? What was he doing here?

“I want to go to Japan,” Ash declared.

You stared at him. “Japan?”

“Yes, Japan. I have something to find there.”

“Ash… Ash! I’m transferring to a college in Japan soon! There’s a program there for my major that I qualify for,” you say excitedly.

His eyes are shimmering with hope, and his mouth is agape.

“Come with me! Come to Japan with me. You can learn the language with me. It is my major, after all.” 

“I… I don’t know if I could. If I even should. We barely know each other.”

“We’re practically two nobodies, Ash. We’re clearly already comfortable. Let’s get the hell out of here. I transfer in October. No one is keeping me here except for you, Aslan.”

He needed to take this chance. He needed to get to Eiji, and he certainly couldn’t lose another friend. This was his chance for solace, for safety. Everything would be different for him if he left, and with you by his side, he felt invincible. The idea of it all sent his hurting heart soaring.

“I’ll go with you.”

\---

The day Ash was discharged, he left with you. You lived in a nice apartment in the heart of the city. Accessibility to everything, and on a top floor too. A penthouse? You were practically loaded, but you would later disclose that your parents were behind your apparent success. To be honest, he was surprised you were rich. His whole life was surrounded by sick rich fucks, and you weren’t like any one of them. 

Your room was funky. It was covered in posters and tapestries of your interests. It was kind of messy, and plushies littered your bed. The bookshelf held hundreds of classics, along with tons of manga. A tv adorned the top of the shelf, and gaming consoles were stored in separate cubbies. You had a lot of stuff, to say the very least. Ash didn’t have many things on him, but he did have his phone, the letter (you had saved it for him), and the clothes from the day of the incident.   
Shyly, you welcome him into your abode. 

“This is it. I have a blow up bed, so I’ll use it. You can take my bed,” you say.

Ash simply nods, figuring arguing is futile.

“You can put your stuff down anywhere, really.”

He does as you say, and you sit on your bed. He follows you and takes a seat next to you.

“Are we really running away to Japan?”

“If that’s what you want, Ash.”

He nods. He does want this. He wants peace, and he definitely wants Eiji.

“Do you have a charger for a phone like this?” He waves the device in his hand.

“Yeah! I actually have the same model, hold on-” you flop onto your stomach and dig the charger from behind your bed, “here.” You present it to him. 

He takes it, and plugs in his suffering phone. He sighs in content. He wondered how he even made it out alive. Though, to be fair, everyone who had it out for him was most certainly dead now. The others probably thought he was on the run again, or simply laying low for the time being. Impatiently, Ash pressed the power button to his phone as soon as it hit one percent. Though the phone took its time powering on, the screen showed several missed calls and texts.

“Yikes, man. That’s a lot of notifications,” you tease him.

He growls a bit. “Everyone is such a pain in the ass.”

“[2 Missed Calls: Sing] 

[ 42 Missed Text Messages]

[1 Missed Call: Unknown Number]”

Unknown number? Eiji? Blanca? He had no idea. It could even be Yut-Lung for all he knew. He paid no mind, however, and instead tossed his phone to let charge, You look over at him with innocent, yet expectant eyes, and he turns to look at you. You’re staring at each other like idiots.

“Ash, we need to go shopping. You have basically nothing.” 

“Wow thanks, (Y/N), you’re so kind” he rolls his eyes.

You stick your tongue out at him and poke his shoulder. 

“I’m being serious! I wanna dress you up and put you in cute clothes! You’re practically a model, you know.”

“I hear that all too often,” he sighs.

You get up, and cautiously take one of his hands, tugging on it to force him up.

“Come onnn! Please Aslan, please please please let me treat you”

“You’ve been treating me this entire time, but I suppose I can’t turn down the one who is harboring me in their bedroom,” he replies.

The smile you give at that is pure joy, and his heart feels weird. You remind him so much of Eiji that it almost hurts.

“Give me a second! I’m gonna change shoes, these ones are awful for walking around in.”

He watches as your form retreats to a different part of the room. His shoulders drop. What is he doing here? He feels lost, but somehow, he feels secure. He feels… He feels like he’s flying. He doesn’t even have a gun on him anymore, and he’s safe in an acquaintance’s abode because they cared for him. He hadn’t even given them anything, and they were wanting to explore a previously unobtainable life with him of all people. He would have to ask why you were so kind to him, but for now he was okay with basking in it. He was happy just to be in the arms of your comfort. 

You re-enter the room with new shoes and a small backpack clinging to your shoulders. 

“Are we ready to go?” you smile at him enthusiastically. 

He pushes himself off the bed, and nods. You open the door, and the two of you exit, making sure you securely lock it before you depart. 

“Okay, lets go! I don’t have a car, so I hope you’re okay with the subway,” you add the last part, slightly embarrassed.

“Driving scares me, so… So I take public transit instead.”

He understands and follows you, and damn are you quick on your feet. You’re speed walking out of the complex, and he’s taking long strides to match your shorter ones. You’re short compared to him. Tiny, yet mighty. You stand just above his shoulder, and he’s able to watch as your small form bounces as you walk. It almost seems like you’re walking on air. 

It isn’t too long before you reach the subway station. You command Ash to stay put, and you quickly buy a ticket for the boy. You debate on purchasing him a pass, but the two of you wouldn’t be in America much longer. Better save that cash for an IC pass, you think.   
You make your way back to the spot you left him, only to see Ash speaking with a burly man.

“Cain, I can NOT stay here anymore,” he grimaces, avoiding eye contact with the large man.

“New York needs you Ash”

“New York is out for my blood!” 

You wordlessly move beside Ash, and take his hand to set his ticket in. You say nothing to either of them, but innocently stare at them both.

The man, “Cain,” looks over to you. 

“So you’re running away?”

“It’s not running away, I have business overseas.”

“Like hell you do!”

“I’m going to Japan and that’s final, Cain,” Ash declares.

“Suit yourself, but don’t bother coming back. No one can control New York like you do, and when they realize you’re gone for good, this place will be in shambles,” Cain sneers. 

With that, the man is off, and Ash is left with a muted expression. He’s pissed…. 

“I won’t ask, but...We’re gonna miss the train. Come on Ash,” you tug at him.  
He sharply turns away and follows you into the car. You sit, on the end, and he takes the seat beside you. 

“That guy was scary,” you comment.

“He’s got good intentions,” he simply states.

You nod in understanding, deciding not to carry the topic further. You let the ride to your destination begin, and you stay quiet. The silence, however, doesn’t stop you from slightly leaning in to Ash. With a watchful eye, he makes a note of your proximity, but doesn’t say anything, and instead allows you to be close to him. 

\---

You’re quick to move from your seat, slightly startling Ash at the abrupt motion. The stop will be here any second, and you want to be prepared. As expected, the doors open, and you make your way out of the train car. Ash follows you shortly after your exit, and you lead him out into Times Square. The sun is almost down, and the city lights are already blinding. They shine in your eyes, and you seem to be in awe at the beauty of the day.

“Hold on Ash, let me get a photo!”

“...”

“...Can we take a picture together?”

I mean, he might as well, right? He could show Eiji.

“Yeah, let’s do it,” he smiles.

You gleefully bring him over to a spot in front of the city lights, and prop your phone up on a wall, making sure to set a timer. You dash over to him, and stand next to him in the photo frame as the picture is taken. After the photo finishes, you rush to your phone to inspect it. Ash isn’t exactly smiling, which saddens you a bit, but it would do.

“Aaash you’re barely smiling here!”

“My apologies, I’m not good at taking photos.”

“Hmm… It’s alright. Let’s go shopping.”

\---

The night carried the two of you to your wits end. Each hand filled with bags of clothes and accessories. Even sheets and personal items Ash requested to have, you purchased. You struggled to get into your apartment, but felt relieved as the cold air hit your face. You sigh, and eagerly drop Ash’s new stuff off by your-his- bed.

“I’m gonna go get changed in the bathroom, okay?”

Ash nodded as you dug some clothes out of the dresser and made your way to the bathroom. He had yet to see what it looked like, but he guessed it wouldn’t be long before he inspected it. Ash himself should probably change into bedtime clothes. He dug into one of the bags, grasping a light t-shirt and soft basketball shorts. He peeled off his day clothes, and stepped into the new ones. He felt weird, to say the least. He had been treated by others in the past, but not by anyone he really liked. In fact, most of the things he had before came from grimey hands belonging to none other than Dino Golzine. Ash clenched his fist at the memory, the jade earring feeling heavy on his ear at the reminder. He should sell it, shouldn’t he? Peel the memories and association away in trade for finances. He could make a good buck off of it too. He could return the favor and give you something. With the money he could definitely cover living expenses and the plane tickets when the two of you leave. 

You see Ash deep in thought when you make your way back out to the room, blow up bed in hand. Your hair is messy, and your face is red, presumably from washing up.

“Feel free to wash up in the bathroom. There’s a toothbrush and a washcloth if you need it.”

“Thank you,” Ash says, and he gets up, passing you on his way to the bathroom. 

You take your time getting your bed ready, stretching sheets across the damn thing, and retrieving one of the many pillows from your own bed. You also take a blanket, he could do with only two. You snicker, and sit on your bed. To be honest, you’re restless. Its the beginning of an era. You’ve solidified your future with this mysterious man, and you’re fleeing the country with him. It feels surreal, but you couldn’t be happier. For the longest time, you’ve been alone. It’s been hard, and you finally have a companion. Somebody who will stay by your side through thick and thin. It’s almost terrifying, but you’re perfectly happy with your situation. You wanted to help him. You wanted to see him grow, and you wanted to be there when he found what he was looking for. It has to be very close and important to him to leave on such a whim, but you won’t question his judgement. Afterall, the two of you idiots decided to run off on your own together anyway.

As you moved to turn on your T.V for a little late night entertainment, Ash’s phone buzzed like crazy. You jump up, and take his phone over to him, lightly knocking on the bathroom door. 

“Ash, your phone is ringing, you’ve got a call.”

He opens the door, and takes the phone, deciding to answer, and mouths a “thank you.” You nod to him, offering a smile, and then he closes the door.

\---

“Ash! You’re alive? You popped up out of nowhere after a month and you don’t even bother to respond to me? The underground is a shit show right now and you get spotted by Cain with a mystery person?! What the fuck man!” Sing’s voice berates Ash’s ears

“Jesus Sing, I’ve been busy.”

“Busy? Do you have a boyfriend now? A girlfriend? What’s so important that you abandoned your post.”

“Lao stabbed me, Sing.”

“...”

“Don’t worry, I made sure to kill him before it escalated. One bullet to the heart was enough. I’m not even sure how I’m alive, he stabbed me really deep.”

Sing was unable to speak. He wasn’t sure how to respond to that.

“Look, Sing, I’m going to Japan in October with a friend. We’re going to be gone a couple years, and I’m going to find Eiji.”

“Gaah...Ash… You’re really untamable huh?”

“I guess you could say that.”

“I’ll… I’ll try my best to ensure there isn’t another Arthur, okay? You can count on me!”

“I’ll put my faith in you, Sing. Take care.”

And with that, Ash ended the call. October was approaching quickly, and he’d eventually leave this place. His home, but also the root of his pain. Despite being the ruler of the underworld, he knew he couldn’t stay tethered to New York forever. With a heavy sigh, Ash shoved his phone into his pocket and exited the bathroom.

“Who was that?” you asked.

“Someone from the Chinatown Mafia,” Ash stated bluntly.

“Ooh are you a big scary boss man, Ash?” you joked, thinking he was joking too.

“I am. Was,” he answered.

You look at him. He wasn’t joking was he. A gang member? A mafia member? If he wanted to hurt you, he would’ve already.

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“It would’ve only concerned you.”

“Was your stabber part of your “underground” business?”

“Uh...yeah. Yeah, he was. I killed his boss, my best friend. He defected and sought revenge. To put it simply, he is no longer breathing.”

“Ah...That’s...kind of metal of you Ash.” 

And with that, the tension broke.

Ash laughed at that. Metal?! You thought he was metal for killing a man? He chuckles, and holds his stomach. Shouldn’t you be afraid? 

“Why are you laughing?!” you flush.

Ash catches his breath.

“I’m a killing machine and you’re calling me metal? You’re so weird, (Y/N).”

“Don’t call me weird! You’re the one tied to the mafia!”

“Hmmph,” Ash huffs out. “I’m getting into bed.”

“Okay, drama queen, do you wanna watch anything? I’m gonna put on an anime,” you ask.

“No, watch what you want to, I’m probably gonna pass out soon anyway.”

You sigh, “Alright, good sleep, Ash. Also, sorry if I cry, I’m almost finished with this show.”

\---

Yep. You were crying. It was so sad. They loved each other. He didn’t deserve to die. All you wanted was to see him get a happy ending. You were ugly sobbing, and quite frankly, couldn’t care less if Ash heard you. It genuinely hurt, and you’re shaking shoulders were enough to clue anyone in.

“(Y/N?)”

You didn’t hear him through your sniffles and ugly noises, Ash guessed. He groggily moved from his spot in your bed to your side. 

“Are you okay?”  
You flinched.

“A-Ash you s-scared me,” you struggle to get out. Your hands were wiping at your eyes, but the tears continued to slide out. 

He didn’t really know what to do, or how to comfort you. He didn’t like being touched, but it couldn’t hurt to offer his support, right?

A hand placed itself on your back, and rubbed gently.

“Do you...want to talk about what happened?”

“Mm...Mhm. I’m sorry for waking you up, I’m just. I’m just so sad.”

You explain to him the character’s story, and how the main character died in the end. You were devastated, and broken over the fact that they loved each other but never got to say it. It was heart wrenching to you, and you seemed to take it very personally. Ash comforted you, and asked about the show, and what you liked about it, talking you through your grief. It was nice that he was listening, and you answered him, slowly calming down. You were getting drowsy, and you felt sleepy.

“I think I’m okay now. Sorry, again, Ash...You should go back to sleep.”

He looked up at you, a slightly concerned expression painted on his face.

“Alright then, wake me up when you get up, I’ll go with you to your college. I’ve got business in NYC anyway,” he stated.

You nod, and tuck yourself into your blanket. 

“Goodnight Ash.”

“Goodnight (Y/N).”

“Sleep well.”

\---

At exactly nine o’clock the following morning, your alarm ran its normal routine of effectively blowing your eardrums out. With a groan, you get up, and see Ash dead asleep on your bed. He was sleeping silently, cuddled into the area where your bedside met the wall. He looked like a butterfly wrapped in a cocoon. You decided you would let him sleep a bit longer, and went to make the two of you a quick breakfast.   
When you finished with your morning tasks, Ash was still a rock. You went up to him, and lightly shook him.

“Ash…”

“Aaaash”

“Ash, wake up.”

You shake him harder.

“Ash. Get up, we have to leave soon and-”

A hand harshly grips your wrist, effectively removing it from his shoulder. Green eyes are seething at you.

“Ash, you’re hurting me,” you whimper.

His eyes widen, and his grip on you immediately loosens.

“I’m sorry. I...I didn’t-”

“I know you didn’t mean to,” you offer him a smile. “Get dressed for today, there’s food on the table. I’m gonna brush my teeth, be quick. We leave in 15.” 

\---  
“Your university is huge, (Y/N).” 

“It’s gonna be a shame when I leave. But it’s okay, as long as I’m leaving with you.” 

“You’re so weird.”

“You chose this! Whatever, I gotta go or I’ll be late. You have my number right? Text me if you need me, and be safe okay?”

“Whatever you say, Mom.”

“Ugh, you’re so difficult. Bye Ash, I’ll see you at home.”

He gives you a smile and a lazy wave, turning his back as you enter the class building. He had shit to take care of, and he had a gun to pick up too. He’d be in Chinatown for today…. He considered visiting Shorter’s sister, but quickly moved on from the thought. Shorter…. It was such a shame. It was so awful how everything turned out. The memories of Shorter’s suffering plagued his brain, but all Ash could do was move forward. Even if those memories hurt, he knew he couldn’t let them go. Shorter was his best friend after all, and he’d live on for him if it meant anything. He secretly hoped Shorter was proud of him. He shook it from his head, and carried on with what he had to do.

“See you at home,” he whispered aloud. It was a nice notion. A home….

\---

School was a bitch. Sure you were good at it, but the students you were forced to work with were complete nuisances. You always carried them on your back, and did the most work. You prayed that transferring would change your circumstances. You just wanted to be seen as an equal. You believed going to a huge university would change your life, but nothing really came of it. That was, until, the library incident. Ash had come into your life right when you needed him, and he needed you. You didn’t quite understand how much you needed Ash in your life until he was suddenly thrown into it. Your loneliness had been building up, and the depression was difficult to manage. Your goals and dreams were watering down, and you had wondered if it was even worth trying to finish anymore. But Ash...He gave you a reason. You pretty much saved his life, and just being able to see him heal was enough to keep you going. Him wanting to run away with you erased all the doubt you had in yourself. 

“(Y/N)...”

“...”

“(y/n)!”

“Gah! What do you want?!” you say, startled.

“What are you so in your head about?” your deskmate asked.

“...It is none of your business.”

“Jeez, so harsh,” he whined.

“Whatever….” 

“A-anyway, my friends and I are getting boba later. Do you want to join?”

“Who’s paying?”

“I’ll cover your costs if you go!”

“Hmm...deal.”

\---

The class ended, and the kid you sat next to, Yohan, began to pack up his bags, yourself following suit. 

“The place is in Chinatown, follow me.”

You agree, and follow the taller boy out of the building and into the city. 

Chinatown was tightly packed, the streets were thin and people loitered about. It was busy, full of bustling people, but most importantly, the air smelled of delicious food.

“I-It’s kind of hell here right now, so stay close to me and don’t talk to anyone even if they bother you.”

“Okay, Mr. Protector,” you remark.

You eventually make it to the cute little shop. They served boba, noodles, and other foods that clawed at your senses. Yohan led you to a four-seater, taking a seat across from the one you sat in.

“My friend should be here soon. He’s a bit younger than me, but he’s basically my little brother.”

As if on cue, a boy with fingerless gloves and short, dark hair made his way over to you.

“Yohan!” Sing exclaimed. “What are you doing bringing a normie around here? You know it’s hell on Earth these days.”

“I know, but I didn’t wanna go alone and they always let me use their notes, so I’m treating them,” he confesses.

You look to “Sing,” and offer your hand.

“Hey. I’m (Y/N), it’s nice to meet you…?”

“Sing. Sing Soo-Ling, I basically run Chinatown now-a-days,” he takes your hand in his. 

Chinatown Mafia… Ash has business here...oh?

You hold Sing’s hand in a tight grip.

“Do you know Ash Lynx?!” you whisper yell.

Sing’s eyes widened.

“Of course, do you?” 

You stand up to lean in to Sing’s ear.

“He’s living with me,” you look at him expectantly.

“WHAT?!”

\---

Sing was now across from you, Yohan now sitting in the chair next to him. Sing had so many questions, and you answered them all. You wouldn’t call yourself a blabbermouth, Ash had already told him of his plans to escape to Japan anyway. The boy sitting opposite to you was sweet, kind of hot headed, and most definitely judgemental, but a good kid nonetheless. 

“Ash said he had business to take care of today, did he see you Sing?”

“Yeah, actually, right before I came here he picked up a pistol from one of our guys. He said he was going to sell that green earring he has, and I know damn well that was a mad expensive gift from Dino…”

“Dino?”

“He didn’t tell you? It really isn’t my business to tell, but I’ll say that he’s dead now. Also, if Ash ever brings up “Banana Fish,” please just listen to him. It doesn’t need to make sense, but hear him out if he ever comes around,” Sing whispers.

You nod in agreement, and slurp on the noodles you had ordered during your stay at the shop. 

“It’s getting late, I should probably get home soon,” you say lightly.

Sing offers to take you home, and you accept. It would be dark soon, and you didn’t want to be alone. You thank Yohan for the meeting, and leave the place with Sing. The two of you walk the streets, lights discoloring the world.

“I...I don’t know if I’m allowed to say this, but I’m sorry about Shorter,” you say.

“It’s alright. I was angry at first, but now I understand.”

“He sounded really cool. He must’ve been a great person.”

“He definitely was. He had this stupid purple mohawk and a spiked eyebrow piercing,” he laughed a bit. “He was my boss before Ash was forced to kill him. Now I’ve taken his place as leader.”

“Are you scared?”

“Hell yeah I am! But to hell with it. I’ll do everything in my power to protect my people,” he affirms. 

“One day, I hope to surpass Ash. He’s amazing. Like a machine. He’s the strongest man I’ve ever met.”

“...”

“Sing, tell me if I’m wrong, but I’m intruding, aren’t I? I’m taking your leader away, pretty much,” you ask him.

“No, no. Not at all! Ash is an enigma, but to doubt his choices is certain death. He knows what he wants, and you helping him helps us. Keeps a clear mind, ya feel?” 

“I guess so. Thank you.”

“Thank you as well. You saved him from certain death by that bastard Lao. Fuckin’ idiot loser ugh I can’t believe he defected from us like that. Sometimes there are things people will never understand,” the boy says with a heavy sigh. 

“My complex is just up here,” you state. “It’s really late now, Sing, are you sure you don’t want to stay? I’m sure Ash wouldn’t mind.”

“Nah, I’m good. I’ve got things to take care of back at my base, but I appreciate it.”

“Alright, man, stay sharp. And before you go, could I get your number? Never know when things might go to shit, right?”

With that, the two of you exchanged numbers, and went on your way. You trudged into the fancy building that your penthouse belonged to, and took the elevator to the top like you do everyday. After some time, and some steps in between, you reach your door, unlocking it and sliding in. Ash is laying on the couch, watching the news. A laptop- your laptop- is in his grasp, and his phone is on in the other. He seems to be researching something? Whatever. You close the door, and he looks over to you. 

“You were out for quite awhile,” he comments.

“Indeed. I met your friend.”

He eyes you suspiciously. “Which one?”

“Sing. He’s a kind boy. Looks really young to be a mafia boss if I do say so myself.”

He grunts and turns back to his work. Ash scribbles something into his notebook, and promptly closes down everything he was working on. He removes himself from the couch, and stretches out his aching bones. Despite having just moved from the couch, he flops back down onto it, and you go to sit next to him. Very gently, you move in close to him,

“You know… I think Shorter would be proud of you,” you say, putting a comforting hand atop one of his own. It was true. Shorter seemed like a loving and supportive person based on Sing’s laments.

“I know he understands why you did what you had to do. He wouldn’t hold it against you. I know he would only want your happiness,” you continue. 

Ash is trembling. Those were certainly words he wasn’t expecting to hear tonight. He’s trying so hard not to cry, but your coos and comforts make it difficult for him not to let it out.   
Ash wordlessly turns to bury his face in your shoulder, silent tears soaking into the fabric of the coat you had on. Your free hand is on his back, rubbing it lightly as the boy shakes. He clearly doesn’t like to make noise, but here and there some whimpers and sounds escape him. 

“Shorter...Shorter was my best friend,” Ash croaked. “And I was the one to kill him.”

“I don’t know all of the details, lovely, but I know you wouldn’t have done that without a very good reason. You were practically forced into it, it isn’t your fault, Ash.”

He doesn’t respond to your truths, and you let him stay silent. You shift a bit, telling Ash you were kind of hot and you were going to take your coat off. You remove the article of clothing, shifting so that the two of you are still next to one another. His hand is in the both of yours, and you use your thumbs to trace his palm. 

“You can tell me anything, Ash. I’ll listen to everything you have to say.” 

\---


	2. von

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> daily life :)

Ash took his time explaining the recent events that led up to your current situation. All the data on “Banana Fish” was lost? Golzine was for sure dead, and Blanca had disappeared to nowhere. Before you even noticed, you were crying. It was a tragedy, and the situation that everyone had been put through was exceptionally painful. You hadn’t even gone through it, and you we’re sobbing like a child. Maybe you were crying for Ash when he couldn’t, or crying for the losses. You wouldn’t know, but your heart ached. He had been through so much, and he had lost many important people in the Banana Fish crossfires. 

Ash sat there awkwardly as you cried into him, blubbering “I’m so sorrys” and sniffling your grossness back into your face. It was surprising to see your reaction. His lifestyle practically forced him to suck it up and move on, acting on emotions was pretty much forbidden. Though, he couldn’t quite believe the latter after what happened with Eiji. You were feeling for him, and he let you. 

  
The two of you were still seated on the couch, but the position had changed. Ash was propped against the arm of the sofa, and you were leaning on him, hands on his shoulders and your face in his chest. Your shaking and sobbing was coming to an end, but you still felt deep grief in your heart. You collect yourself, dropping your hands into your lap, shyly leaning back from your position. 

“S-sorry for getting so close,” you say.

Ash is indifferent. Your touch wasn’t something he really shrunk away from, but he couldn’t say he purposely put himself in positions where you could come so close. You always leaned into him first, and it took him time to reciprocate the actions. He wasn’t sure if it was hesitation from fear, but he could confirm it wasn’t from disgust. You were delicate, almost like a flower. Soft and pretty, and most of all, waiting to bloom. He could tell you still had a long way to go before you experienced what life could really be like, and it was only now that that had begun. The two of you had changed each other’s lives in a short time span, and it would only continue to evolve. 

“ ‘S fine,” he assures you. “I’m sleepy, you should get some rest,” Ash suggests.

You comply, and the two of you leave your spots on the sofa. You trudge over to him, and quickly wrap your arms around the man, embracing him with a light hug. You lean up into his ear,

“We’ll find Eiji, Ash, no matter how long it takes. We’ll get to him.” 

His arms wrap around your own body, but he stays silent, instead opting to embrace you in return as an assurance. The two of you would do it- you had to. There wasn’t a choice, Eiji was more important to Ash than anything in the world. He sends you off after a bit, not prolonging the hug any further than it should be.

“Good night, Ash.”

“Good night, (y/n).”

\---

Your eyes were still swollen by the time you woke up. All the crying had left your face tired, and the emotional pain Ash’s story made you experience had you feeling sluggish. You wiggled around on the blow up bed, curling into yourself and snuggling further into your blanket. You look over, and see that Ash is propped up against the headboard of your original bed. He’s got glasses on, and is writing in his notebook, occasionally glancing to the phone in his other hand. Was he logging something? It didn’t matter, the two of you would be leaving in about a month anyway. 

Ash feels that you’re awake, and sees your sleepy form just staring at him. You looked spaced out, in thought perhaps? You were just staring at him with those sleepy, half-lidded eyes. They were a bit red, and your hair was decorating your face like a thin curtain. Ash let his gaze linger on you a bit more, and then returned to his work. You didn’t notice his inspection of you, and you continued to stare at him. He really was gorgeous. Perfect blonde hair, beautiful eyes, and a slender face. You could look at him all day, to be honest. You wondered what he looked like when in action. He was probably way more intense in business than he was with you, and even with his relaxed nature around you, you could tell he was still on edge. But, then again, it must be a reflex thing. Have to stay alert, I guess. 

You roll over with a huff, dreading having to get up for the day. It isn’t like you really had plans, but every day should be productive, even if it’s low effort. You could ask Ash to hang out with you today, maybe? Unless he was busy? It couldn’t hurt to ask. You wished to be closer to him, and you guessed with time that it would happen, but you’d be a liar to claim you were patient. 

“Hey, Ash?” you begin.

Expectantly, he tears his eyes from the laptop in front of him.

“Are you doing anything today?”

The boy draws his eyes towards the ceiling, signaling thought. Ash thinks a bit...no? He was really just devising plans and doing loads of research. After all, he had missed a week of life after his near death experience. Though, there wasn’t much to inspect. Blanca was gone, Lao deceased and Golzine written off the face of the Earth. Even with all those obstacles cleared, there was still much to dive into. The aftermath of project Banana Fish still lingered, and the direction of Golzine’s assets still pointed to Ash. But it was almost like no one involved existed to begin with, now that he thought about it; they were either dead or off the grid. Max still remained in the states, most likely-

“Ash?”

“Uh-I…”

“If you’re busy, it's alright! I just wanted to hang out is all…” you shyly trail off.

“No, no, I’m free,” he assures you, “I’ve been overthinking too much anyway.”

“So is that a yes?”

“Yeah sure, why not.”

\---

The two of them were seated at a table in  _ Gramercy Tavern _ , a swanky restaurant located in the city. Typically a reservation would be needed, but upon the waiters viewing the wealth oozing from the party of two, they seated them right away. Ash was dressed up nicely, donning a dark academia look, and his lunch date wore something similar. However, Ash wore a nice Burberry coat where the other let their shoulders free of such a heavy article of clothing. Ash wondered how the other wasn’t cold, but wouldn’t ask. They were weird, he thought. Everything they did was spontaneous in a way, but he was forever grateful. They could surprise him and teach him new things every day without causing him or anyone else harm. It was a breath of fresh air for the young man, and he wished he could experience this peace with Eiji.

  
Ash wondered what it was about you that made him comfortable. The endless support you gave him, or was it the lack of indifference to his violent nature that drew him to you? You were so similar to Eiji, and to be honest, he was still dizzy over the fact that he received such kindness from not one, but two people. You and Eiji were always gentle with him, and he felt like he didn’t need to have his guard up every waking hour of the day. He felt  _ safe. _ Such a feeling felt foreign to think about. His entire life he had been under siege by others, and for once in his life he had freedom. Everything was foreign to him, really. You asked him permission, you gave him personal space, you never once looked down on him and you treated him to so many nice things during your time together. Even now you were covering for this expensive ass lunch that the two of you really didn't need to be spending money on. But you did it anyway, and it was because the two of you wanted to. With you, Ash was able to make choices. He was never forced into sick twisted shit and he didn't run the risk of you being taken away from him. He'd already lost Eiji, he couldn't bear to have you ripped away too. Anyway, Ash _did_ feel a bit guilty for comparing you to Eiji so often, but the Japanese boy was really the only person like you that he had ever met. He'd question if he just attracted people like you to him, but it wouldn't make sense given that his lifestyle attracted the most ruthless people known to man. 

"Ash, aren't you hot in that coat? You've got a long-sleeve on under that _and_ a scarf," you question.

His cheeks have a slight red tinge of embarrassment at that. "Well- Um, maybe, but I look good!" he sticks his nose in the air.

You giggle a bit, and return your face to the menu in front of you. "Okay Mr. Super Model, whatever you say."

"Aren't _you_ cold? It's the middle of September and you wanna wear a thin cardigan over your sweater?"

"Woah, woah, dude. Are you a fashion connoisseur? Wow Ash, I ever knew!"

"No, (y/n), I just have common sense," and with that, he huffs.

Just then, the overly cheery waiter comes to wait your table. Except...she doesn't even look to you. What an asshole.

"How can I serve you today? Can I start the two of you off with some drinks?" she smiles at Ash. 

_What a bitch, cue eye roll from you._

"Yes, ah, I'll take a water with lemon..." he firmly nods.

The waiter looks to you at his answer, and you tell her that you'd like a water as well. Soda hurt your throat, and you weren't old enough to order champagne without getting carded.

She nods, and leaves at that.

"Good God, Ash, did you _see_ how she looked at you?"

"Shut up..."

"No, I don't think I will," you laugh a bit, "You're too handsome for your own good, Ash," you sigh.

He glares at you, but from across the table, Ash is blushing the slightest bit. He loved how you said his name, whether it was in a tone like this, or in that sing-songy voice you do when you're about to ask him something, he was quite fond of how you said it. 

"(y/n), did I ever tell you my real name?"

You cease your expectant stare, and instead trade your expression out for a confused one. His real name? Was Ash Lynx not his legitimate name? You guessed it sort of made sense for him to have another name, it probably came with all the underground business, and his time under Dino's "care."

"Mmm...I don't think you did, kitty cat," you smile.

_Kitty cat?_ Just what were you playing at? **Are they _flirting_ with me??** The playful smirk on your face twisted the gears in his mind. Pretending to be unbothered, the boy answers.

"Aslan. Aslan Jade Callenreese is my full name, but please continue to call me Ash," he says.

"Ash! Why didn't you tell me?! That name is so pretty! Not that Ash Lynx isn't a pretty name, in fact, I think its kinda cool and fits you really well but-" you stop yourself, "I'm rambling, sorry...." you blush.

The boy across from you laughs at your rambles, and thanks you for the compliments about his names. You weren't sure when you started to feel for Ash, maybe it was during his time at the hospital, or the quiet days you spent together in your apartment. The many times his face twisted in pain from a nightmare while at the hospital had you concerned, but, as you've come to notice. his sleep at your own place had been less fitful. He slept silently, aside from the soft puffs of breath that could be heard every now and then, and his hair was always wonderfully splayed out upon your pillows. Ash was sweet and caring, whether he'd like to admit to that or not, he was a good boy. You loved being able to care for him, and you hoped to any god out there that he felt safe. You would've treated him the same regardless of his past, but you wanted nothing more than to live a safe and healthy life together. Even though you had growing feelings for him, you wanted to take him out more, get to know him- the like. Though, realistically, it really sounded like he loved Eiji. And to be perfectly honest? It would be okay with you if he didn't reciprocate your feelings. You yourself suspected they would fade with time anyway. You'd enjoy this while it was here.

\---

ion feel like finishing this chap rn but i wanna post it sooo....update later


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